I will never forget her radiant smile. Her laughter was contagious. Joy overflowed from her heart. I will never forget her jokes. I will never forget how much she loved Jesus. I will never forget that she prayed about everything. I will never forget how much I wanted what she wanted. God gave me the opportunity to watch her very closely since we rented a house together our last two years of college. She was the real deal!
I was a believer in Jesus, but as I entered my second year in college I realized my love for Jesus had waned. Something was missing. It wasn’t really clear to me that it was waning until I met Kim.
Kim radiated joy and that joy came from Jesus. Some of our theology was a little different, but that didn’t matter. I saw her living out her Christianity in front of my eyes and it made me thirst for what she had. I thirsted for that same Jesus intimacy she had. I thirsted. I found. The best word I can think of to explain what needed to happen in my life is the word surrender. Some might view that word a little negatively, since it entails the sense of giving up. But, it’s not negative!
Surrender is a wonderful way to live because we are giving up something that isn’t good for us in order to receive the very best. It’s giving up trying to run my own life to the One who knows best how to order it. And, it’s good. Because I witnessed a transformed life modeled through the life of my friend, I decided to hand over the reins of my life to Jesus. My life has never been the same! I still mess up terribly, but He’s always there to pick me back up and get me back on the right track.
Because of Kim, I became a part of a strong faith community, thus I learned how to grow deeper in a way that brings transformation. I distinctly remember discovering what I needed to do, how I needed to grow, in order keep that intimacy alive. There are things that ensure spiritual growth, but always required is a daily, even a moment by moment surrender. Again, it’s a handing over the reins of my life to Jesus the many things that, in reality, I want to be in charge of. Including:
- My schedule.
- My words.
- My attitude.
- My actions.
- My thoughts.
- My money.
- My service.
- My relationships.
I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Who Kim was following. The question I need to ask daily, and often frequently during the day is: Who am I following? Me or Jesus? Would you be willing to ask the same question? Our homes and our world will change when it is Him and not ourselves.
So needed to hear this today. I can give it all to Him and then when things don’t go as I had hoped I look at all the worldly reasons why instead of thanking God that He knows best, not me. How merciful He is with this rebellious child! Thank you for reminding me.
Grateful this post spoke to a place in your heart today that needed some encouragement. I’ve had it written for a quite a few weeks and for some reason kept putting off posting it. God knew when it needed to go out. I thought about that this morning before clicking “publish”. The reason I’d not sent it out was not at all about me, it was His plan. Have thought of you so much this week and have continued praying about the decision you made this week. I don’t know what you decided, BUT look forward to hearing what it was. Yes, what a patient and merciful God we have! Love you, my Friend!