Kristi Pennington

I experience some melancholy each year with the arrival of fall. This sadness presents itself as I remember the weeks after Kimberly’s birthday, October 8. It just so happened that I’d been to see Kimberly for her birthday, and then on to see Mother at the beginning of her last earthly decline.

Ten years ago my sister was fighting for her life as she battled cancer and Mother entered her last day’s journey with Alzheimer disease. I remember crying out to God in prayer that I wouldn’t lose two of the most important women in my life in the same year. God answered. My sister turned 54 on October 8 of that year. God gave us 2 ½ more years with her.  My mother passed away October 23, 2014.

It has been my yearly tradition, since her death on October 23, ten years ago to write a blog sharing of her passing. It was a morning that was filled with the sweetness, goodness, and beauty of God even in the shadow of death.  Daddy took care of Mother at home, so I had the privilege and joy of being close to her the entire time her body was gently leaving us. There was a sacred quietness in the house.

That morning of my rhythm of quiet time with God brought moments that were beautiful. My time with Him always includes reading at least one Psalm. On the morning of October 23, the Psalm that was in my reading plan was Psalm 119. Even though Mother had not been awake for many days, she was still breathing, so I knew she still had an awareness of me and Daddy when we were in her room.

On this particular morning, I decided to have my quiet time in her room. For some reason, I decided to read the entire Psalm – 176 verses – out loud. I walked around in her room reading the words of this chapter and prayed for Mother’s children, her grandchildren, her great-grandchildren, and the ones yet to be born. And, her family has been blessed with many more since that day! Another is arriving in April!

I used this Psalm to guide me in my prayer. I prayed for her family, my family, and all the families represented. My prayer was also covered with praise even in the moments leading up to the death of someone I loved so much. What did I ask God for? That we would walk in His ways as taught in the scriptures, seek Him with all our heart, praise Him with an upright heart, treasure His word, turn our eyes from worthless things, know His love, receive His love through trusting in Him for salvation, walk in His love, and grow in wisdom and understanding in all things.

As I sit here and remember that last morning with Mother and how she took her last breath immediately after I finished reading the last verse of Psalm 119, I am reminded again of the importance of staying vitally connected to God at all times. Unless I am deeply abiding in Him, I may miss the gifts of beauty that are present in the midst of sadness. Dr. Curt Thompson encourages, “Place yourself in the path of oncoming beauty.” I must be paying attention to capture the beauty God is sending my way.

There is much in Psalm 119 is about the commandments we are to follow in life that help us to live lives that are pure and holy, but the real thread (essence) throughout is God. He became even more real to us through His son Jesus. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Life is about a love relationship with Him. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were in the room with us. The words from scripture did embody life, not because of the book I was holding and reading from, but because of the Who, the Divine Trinity was with us.

God spoke especially through Psalm 119:124, “Deal with your servant according to your steadfast love.” His steadfast love (Hesed)was happening in that room. God’s presence was in that room. He was accomplishing something with two of His worshippers, in alignment with His Hesed love that embodies kindness, goodness, and faithfulness. The Holy Trinity was there. We were in the Presence of beauty, His beauty.

Mother took her last breath as I finished the last word of the 176^th verse. She breathed a new forever breath in the presence of Jesus. I, too, am breathing new breaths here. I’m not yet breathing the eternal breaths of Heaven, but holy, right now breaths that take me spiritually and soulfully deeper in my journey with Jesus as I continue in my own transformational journey where I abide daily with Him.

What are you hearing from God today? How are you experiencing His beauty? How can you place yourself in the path of “oncoming beauty?”