What have you learned in the Wilderness? Here’s what God’s been teaching me . . .

Wilderness can involve many situations and circumstances. Finding God there is imperative. He is there and He is not silent.

I’ve been thinking about wilderness journeys for quite some time. I’m sure the reason for this is because this word describes what it seems I’ve been in for, in my opinion, a long, long time, maybe 12-15 years.

Wilderness is Stark and Dark

I now realize that my first wilderness experience happened in my early 20’s journey. Soon after my husband graduated from seminary we were called to our first full time church. We were bursting with excitement when the church extended the invitation for us to come.

At that time one of my favorite Bible verses was Matthew 6:33. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.” I just knew everything was going to be absolutely amazing in that move because I was seeking God first.

Uncomfortable Discoveries

Imagine the shock when I discovered not everyone liked me or my husband. I’d always made friends easily. For the most part, things had gone quite smoothly in my life up until this juncture in my life. I was not prepared for the trial of rejection.

I was not prepared for what my faith tradition calls church “business meetings” where people can voice any gripe they have with the pastor or church.

A Place of Tears

It was rough. I can still remember sitting at home at the piano playing with tears streaming down my face a song with these words:

Lord, help me make it

Through another day

Please take hold of my hand

Stay right beside me

Don’t let me go

Another day without you.

God was not letting me go. But, it felt like it.

We did not run away from this church, they did not run us off, as some desired. We stayed the course until God led us in a different direction. Like International Missions! Yikes!! I’ve always said that first church was my first “foreign” mission field.

Through staying the course in what I would call my first experience in the wilderness, I eventually made some of the dearest friends I’ve ever had.

It would have been so nice if that experience had been my one and only wilderness journey, but much to my dismay, it was not. Many more were to come.

Wilderness is Gonna Happen

I find it quite interesting that the word wilderness is used at least 300 times in the Bible.

The Hebrew word for wilderness is midbar, which describes a desert place.

It’s a place of scarcity and harshness.

Does this describe my wilderness experiences? Absolutely!

In my wilderness wanderings I have had feelings of uncertainty, fearfulness, insecurity, lack, confusion, dread, anxiety, helplessness, and disorientation.

That first wilderness experience happened at least 45 years ago. There have been many more “wilderness” times.

Wrestling with God

My wilderness involves much wrestling. I wrestle with myself, and I wrestle with God. Jacob wrestled with God. And, who won? God did!

He wins! But so do I!

What comfort this brings me! If I stay in the ring with Him, He wins!

But so do I!

So what are the blessings of the wilderness? If I choose not to run away physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, God meets me there with His abundance and His love.

The wrestling period makes me stronger in faith, hope, and love.
The wrestling takes me to a place of knowing how weak I am, but how strong He is. I may think it’s a win if things go my way, but only His way is a win. That’s a guarantee! It may feel like I’ve been side-lined for a moment, but I have not been if God’s in the ring with me and is the strongest. He is my mighty warrior!
Even though each wilderness journey may get harder, it will take me closer to God, which is like arriving “home”, finding more fulfillment and satisfaction in Him. Going against Him in the battle of life, leaves me empty. And, empty begets empty.
The process of transformation into His image continues. I will begin to favor (look like) Him more and more.

In his youth my daddy was a boxer. I see boxing and wrestling as being in the same category. Both sports are played in a ring.

Photo by Howard R Wheeler on Unsplash

Calf Rope

When I was a little girl, he and I had fun wrestling. It was there he taught me the magic word: calf rope. I knew when to say it, and we both laughed. I knew when I was beaten.

It’s a good idiom to use with my Abba Father, too. I’m learning to say calf rope quicker, or at least I hope I am:

God, I surrender. I want your way, not mine.

Dear Reader: If you discovered this post – Thank you! It’s my very first one on Substack. More will come. You can find out more about me on Substack at Substack Home – Kristi Pennington and, of course, at Kristi Pennington my Soul Care Coaching and Spiritual Direction site.