Each year I honor Mother’s passing and Psalm 119. This enriches my soul and gives me peace.
Do you ever have feelings arise during certain times of year?
Melancholy always surfaces during October as I remember the last weeks of my Mother’s life. It’s hard to believe that today marks the 12th anniversary of the most important “homecoming” Mother ever experienced. Since that day, reading Psalm 119, and then writing about those last moments with her has become an important ritual.
October 2014 carries so many memories. I, first, spent four days with my sister in Waco, Texas. I cherished those sister times, because Kimberly was in a battle of her own, a journey through cancer. That battle included praying hard that insurance would come through for an extensive surgery on a hard to get to tumor. God did answer that prayer! It gave us 2 ½ more years with her!
While at Kimberly’s, Daddy called saying that Mother had quit eating, which happens in the last stage of Alzheimer’s. God was amazing! So I traveled on to Amarillo to spend precious time with my parents.
What I thought would be a 5 day visit turned into 21 days, which I wouldn’t trade for anything!
It just “happened” that one of my friends had loaned me her DVD’s of our former pastor, Glenn Weekley’s, teachings on Heaven. (That’s why I chose the photo above.) Watching his messages on Heaven played a part in my parent’s house becoming sacred ground. Yes, those were 21 days of affliction that led to her death, but life was there, too, in ways I’d never experienced before.
There was a holy quiet in the house during Mother’s last days. She slept most of the time, and Daddy, exhausted from caring for her, could take advantage of sleeping late. A special time of my day was taking my cup of coffee and entering into my “sanctuary” time, in the guest bedroom, which became my own while there. Those were some of the sweetest times I’ve ever had with Jesus. My heart was heavy, but the load was always lifted in that place of worship.
God gave just enough strength for what I needed for each day with all its peculiarities and unknowns. A part of my own Soul Care for as long as I can remember has been spending time in the Psalms. By the age of 12 I had Psalm 23 memorized. I knew where to go when I was in a dark place. It was this Psalm where I would find peace, comfort, and strength. I could cry needed tears in God’s presence and feel His embrace.
Later in my Soul Care journey, a rhythm of reading five Psalms a day became a part of my spiritual diet —except when I come to Psalm 119. It contains 176 verses! I usually take 2-3 days to read and pray through this one. There are many reasons I love the Psalms, but the main one is that the Psalms were the prayer book and hymn book of God’s people. They were the prayer book of Jesus. The Psalms have become a prayer guide for me.
Psalm 119 was the Psalm in my reading plan on October 24, 2017. I decided to move my being with Jesus in “our” quiet place time to beside Mother’s bed. God’s plan for our morning was in place.
However, Mother’s room wasn’t quiet that morning because God led me to walk and pray as I read Psalm 119 out loud. I read, I prayed, I read, I prayed. I wasn’t quiet. God wasn’t quiet. He prayed through me as I prayed out loud. Those scriptures formed prayers I prayed for Mother’s children, Kimberly and me, and our families which were Mother’s grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Pictured here are 4 generations I prayed for: Shirley, Kristi, Bethany, and Lily
in 2008 at Blake & Claire’s wedding. Lily is now 18 and Blake has 4 little girls!
Was a legacy beginning to change even more, that would become a greater part of bringing God’s Kingdom to earth through her life? Yes!!!
And one reason I know this to be so, is because of the continued work God is doing in me and through me. I also see it in everyone in Mother’s family that I prayed for. At that time there were 13 of us in Mother’s tribe. Today there are 30 — counting children, spouses, grandchildren, and great grandchildren! Surely, God has given her some peeks from Heaven!
The main theme of this Psalm is the importance of knowing and following God’s commandments. These are truths He has beautifully and clearly put in place. From His heart of love Divine protection will be found if we follow His instruction with an obedient heart.
Living according to His ways brings peace, joy, love, freedom, adventure, goodness, delight and peace beyond understanding. Our lives are re-shaped, re-created! Transformed!
There is another theme throughout this Psalm. It’s the idea of suffering, affliction, and double minded living. It describes one consumed with desires for selfish gain that come from living unto ourselves.
Without doubt, the author of Psalm 119 had faced deep hurt from others. He also knew he could cause harm to others. He definitely didn’t want that to happen! It was his desire that he would always delight in God’s Word and live in it. He wanted everyone to desire it as much as he did. He knew the life-giving benefits and rewards that come from seeking God and His ways above all.
The question that we all face, “Will I follow the instructions of God, or write my own instruction book? Will I be the one causing harm, or bringing blessing.” It really is choosing God or self.
My prayer on that day, October 24, 2017 was that Mother’s children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren would love God, love His word, and desire to follow Him always. I know that was her wish for us more than anything: She wanted to see us walking with God and pleasing Him in all our ways.
I wish I could say we always follow God perfectly. Of course that’s impossible. But, I pray for us that when we stray we will make a course correction. As I again have prayed through this Psalm this week, I’ve brought all of us, by name, before His throne of love and grace and mercy.
Mother took her last breath as I finished the last words of Psalm 119.
I love the Message translation of verse 176, “And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me! I’ll recognize the sound of your voice.”
I pray this today, for myself, and for you. “And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me! I’ll recognize the sound of your voice.”
May we all love and prioritize reading and meditating on God’s word, learn to recognize His voice, listen to His voice, and obey His voice in this intimate love relationship. This is where life is really lived!!
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